Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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