He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
