hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
