Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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