If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
