If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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