the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
