A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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