Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
