i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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