Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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