she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He passed out mid-signature
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize