I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
