I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
