you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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