walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
