Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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