dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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