so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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