I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
