when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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