He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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