Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
