Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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