I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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