Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We need a shit load of segways right now
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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