if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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