But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Randomize
