3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
