break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
