Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
