you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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