I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
