i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
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