So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
