mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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