he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just gift wrapped bread.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
