WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
