Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
