Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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