Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
