you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
