Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
