90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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