and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Less talking, more tequila
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize