You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
