Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
