If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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