break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
