Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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