the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
