No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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