theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
