So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
