She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
