I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
