Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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