How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
