i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize